The Inglorious Hole

Brother, Can You Spare a Yuan?

   "  We all know that international relations are just a game of blackmailing antics delicately masqueraded with diplomacy."

   
     Wow, we took two weeks of vacations. Unbelievable, I didn't have the time to come up with a short   500 word post last Monday. I wish I could justify myself with something like 'quality over quantity' but this paragraph is just a filler itself. Now onto the most important things. 

  
  There are two terms that have been bothering me for quite some time now, 'emerging economy' and 'developing country'. China, India, Brazil and even Mexico have been stuck with these distinctions for years, eventually one of them ought to reach the surface , oughtn't it? The gerund couldn't stay forever and China seems to have its eyes on the surface. 

    If you’ve read us before (who am I kidding? click here) you probably remember us likening China to a penis; quietly waiting for the right moment; always eager to arise. Well the moment might just be this one. Europe finds itself amidst one of its worse crisis in postwar times, and conversely China's economy keeps growing faster than that mole I haven't got checked out. China has $3.2 trillion in foreign reserves, by far the biggest fund in the world. Added to that, Europe is also China’s biggest export market. So Europe needs money, China has it and on top of that Europe’s success is on the best interest of China, so it would be more than natural for them to help each other out in these difficult times, right? Right? Wrong! 

    We all know that international relations are just a game of blackmailing antics delicately masqueraded with diplomacy. Everything has a price, China wouldn’t just give away its money without getting something in return. China has been seeking the market economy status for some years now , and being recognized as one by Europe would probably be a condition to invest on it. China has been victim of protectionist European policies over the last years but the current situation might just change that. Other developed economies such as New Zealand have already given that status to China and Europe is so close to having no other choice. Be sure that this status update —puts on sunglasses— will get a lot of 'likes'. 

    There are many things that can be done with China's foreign reserves—and boy would we love to discuss them all. For now, it can quietly wait and see how events develop, but in the future a decision should be made  and a wrong one can lead to disaster, because in economics when it comes to making decisions there is never a right answer, just wrong ones. 

    China has already $1.2 trillion US Dollars of its foreign assets in US treasury bonds and selling them would hurt the already wounded American economy. Europe and the USA are already competing for China's giving hand and now more than ever China has gotten the long sought leverage needed to make some important decisions around here. Whether China will use its leverage to do the 'Dance Puppets, Dance!” maneuver or the old 'You want it? Start making out with each other' move is yet to be seen, but one thing is certain, China has seen the surface and it likes it. 

 

There is Something About Mobbing

"An angry mob tends to evoke a certain kind of indescribable beauty that can lure even the best of us to its most inner core."

     

This week has been all about power to the people. Libyan rebels finally got their hands on Colonel Muammar al-Gaddafi after months of turbulence in the country, while on the other side of the world, the Occupy Wall Street movement (OWS) keeps spreading throughout the land, propagating anti-capitalism guff.  Yes, finally people are getting what they want. Now it’s just time for them to figure out what that is exactly.

    An angry mob tends to evoke a certain kind of indescribable beauty that can lure even the best of us to its most inner core. In America, the mobs seem to be fed by the poisonous political rhetoric combined with the dire economical situation of many. Austerity measures and an unemployment rate of more than nine percent proved to be the best recipe for protesters a la furieux.  And thus the OWS emerged from the depths of the unknown to fight against the horrors of the current economy with a very clear goal in mind… that is yet to be defined.

    The Occupy Wall Street movement emerged in America, and what is more American than the utter polarization of an act scrutinized by the media as either liberal or conservative? The OWS is compared by many as a counterbalance to the Tea Party movement. The famous American two-party system finally made it , it has made sure that every act as menial as it may seem is classified into only two categories. From pro-life/pro-choice to team Jacob/team Edward (this website has always made clear its allegiance to the former), there has only been two sides of the story. Are you a Christian? Well, you’re also a republican. Did you like the movie Gone in 60 seconds? Congratulations you now think Jennifer Aniston is a lesbian.

    The Tea Party movement was quick to post on its website that the OWS is in no way related or similar to them. “It’s frustrating to watch people who have an utter lack of respect for our form of government,” said Jenny Beth Martin, cofounder of the Tea Party movement. The Tea party wants to establish a solid line between calling Obama a communist Muslim who will eat your children and disrespect.

    An angry mob necessarily needs something to be angry about and a scapegoat.  The Tea Party movement complains about excessive government spending and blames Barack Obama for it; the OWS is unhappy with the way the economy is being handled and they blame Wall Street and the bankers—and occasionally the Jews. Apparently some anti-Semitic slurs have been heard during the OWS protests.  A scapegoat always comes handy for movements like this, it feels good to blame someone for something we don’t have control over , but does it really have to be the Jews all the time? Can’t we gather together and express our anger towards the system without bashing the Jews?

    The OWS claims it represents the 99% of the people, if that is true then we’re going to be hearing a lot of crazy slogans and slurs during the course of this week. The OWS has not defined itself in its entirety; they know why they’re angry they just don’t know exactly who to be angry at and what to do about it; while that happens expect a lot of finger- pointing and finger-giving in these upcoming months.

    The one percent we’re supposed to be angry at is yet to be defined. So, one percent, if you’re out there reading this, as soon as we find out who you are and why you hate us so much to get us into this mess we’re going to get you, oh yes and when we find you, you’ll wish you were Gaddafi. But in the meantime, can you please leave your contact info? We're kind of clueless.  

 

The Arab Sprain: Or Why Do I get Arrested Every Summer?

    "We were in love, the bees were humming, the flowers were blossoming, the birds were tweeting and so were the Arabs."

 

     The thing about the seasons of the year is that they always tend to affect us in ways we can’t really see, at least not in the moment. Our actions, as profound and ideal-driven as we may make them look, can be –at least partly— just a reaction to the season. 2011 is far from being the exception. This past spring we were all pumped up, shouting prodemocracy chants, cheering for the Middle East. We were in love, the bees were humming, the flowers were blossoming, the birds were tweeting and so were the Arabs. Then summer came, for many the freest time of the year; maybe because anything can be done in summer and weather is the least of impediments. Our hearts were burning from passion and rebelliousness; and London was burning from fire.  ( if you were arrested in London during the riots and were looking for the answer of the question on the title stop reading here). Now it’s autumn, our affronting times are behind us and the hangover caused by summer and spring lingers around, reminding us that real life is precisely that, real.

                For many of us the Arab spring was an inspirational model of freedom, a glimpse to a new global society in which the tiniest of the opinions can count. The world witnessed the beginning of a new worth of the social networks. Twitter saw its purpose redefined, people was not only posting things like, “lee's dog just took a shit in my house and then ate it.” People was gathering together and plotting against authoritarian governments. Democracy seemed to have found its way through the social networks.

                In Egypt, all this excitement appears to be slowly fading away. Two members of the military council stated this week that the army will still be in control of the country even after the election of a new parliament. The Supreme Council of the Armed Forces (SCAF) sketched a transition plan that still raises a lot of doubts. The plan is to hold elections to the lower house of parliament by the end of November, then do the same for the upper house by March. These two parliament houses would draft a new constitution. This constitution would be ratified by a referendum and then finally after that, presidential elections would take place.  The SCAF would be in control of the country until the new president is elected, assuming of course, it will remain faithful to its word.

                The SCAF has also insisted on emergency laws similar to the ones implemented under Hosni Mubarak’s presidency/dictatorship—or as we like to call it, pricktatorship. Which consist on extending powers to the police, suspending constitutional rights and allowing censorship when needed. The SCAF seems to be building its reputation very quickly, almost stating , “every Egyptian regardless of sex, race, age or religion is entitled to basic human rights, unless said Egyptian is wrong”.

                We had spring for inspiration, summer for rebelliousness, autumn for reflection and winter is building up to be for depression. It’s always hard to give up power and even harder to take it away from others. From Napoleon to Chavez one would think we should be wiser now, but just like the seasons, some things are bound to repeat themselves over and over again.

 

United in Diversity; Separated in Everything Else

    "Bureaucrats are the ones being hit the hardest. At this rate they will soon be forced to shower together"

    So as we said on the last post, we’re back and now we’re European. And boy, did we choose the best time to be it, but that’s our thing, location, location, location.

     As part of our restructuring process we’ve added some new things to the website. If you have visited us before—and we’re sure you haven’t— you may notice we now have a slightly different banner, let me know if you can see the difference. Also, they have facebook on the internet now! We’ve  added a very cool facebook like box on the right navigation bar, feel free to click like; hey, you don’t even have to like it to like it. On the left navigation bar, you can probably see advertisements, those are new as well.  And remember all those times when we were always referring to ourselves as “we” when in reality it was just me trying to sound important? Well guess what? We are rightfully a “we” now. We are proud to say we can now afford a cartoonist and a SEO guy. Yes, the hole is growing. So please follow us on our own twitter account, you can see it on the right side navigation bar, and feel free to look at our new cartoonist's website.

 

And if you’re still reading at this point, enjoy.

     Multiculturalism and diversity are concepts that are normally associated with Europe. A continent that though being pervaded with so many languages, cultures, religions and secularisms manages to have a peaceful coexistence within its inhabitants. Europe is an example of how mankind can always find a system to listen to each other and coexist in a peaceful manner. Who’d have thought that such a place of multifariousness could have emerged after the hate bubble it was still a century ago? And who’d have thought that we would all find a way to screw it up?

                We didn’t want it, we didn’t expect it (or did we?), but the EU (pronounced Eww) seems to be falling apart, and Greece is dragging it to Hades. Investors started to run around in circles about a year and a half ago after fears of Greece being insolvent came to light and now they have reduced themselves to lie in a fetal position at their nearest corner after fears of contagion started to spread. But still, fear from investors doesn’t sound so bad, does it?  After all, investors are like ducks at a pond, you have to be careful in order to gain their trust, first you have to lay the birdseed on the ground and then wait until they start to move slowly towards you, always keeping in mind that any sudden move may easily scare them away. This is what investors do; they crap their pants to make ends meet.  The real problem here seems to be disorganization.

                Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say Europe is disorganized, I don’t think you can say this about any place with strict banana curvature standards, but wasn’t it a bit reckless to implement a single currency in countries with different taxation and fiscal systems? And what was their original plan for emergencies like this? The European Union’s motto is United in diversity, that sounds like a lot of fun, but what’s the point if it remains separated in everything else? A currency is shared among 17 countries and yet they still compete economically against each other almost as they did 15 years ago. What was going to happen with the less competitive countries?  Such problems are easily solved in a Federal union, but Europe is not such. And some bail out money doesn’t seem to calm the rising beast any time soon. But while anything does calm it, buckle up cause here come the austerity measures.

Austerity seems to be the word of 2011. Many nations across Europe seem to be tightening their spending to unprecedented levels. Bureaucrats are the ones being hit the hardest. At this rate they will soon be forced to shower together. And as austerity increases, so do the protests. Altercations between the Greeks and the police are becoming more common every passing day. Spain’s Los indignados marched all the way to Brussels just to be refused the permission to camp in the Elizabeth Park.  The general feeling towards these measures was that of—you guessed it—indignation. And if that wasn’t enough, Italy is also joining the protests, partly because of the economy but mostly because of Silvio Berlusconi, Italy’s prime minister/ whore-monger virtuoso; who has been involved in scandals of almost every sort.

    
Germany and France, as the leaders of the European Union need now more than ever to get their act together. Germany is naturally for the Euro, but refuses anything like a fiscal union or Eurobonds and Sarkozy has problems of his own given that he’s quickly becoming more unpopular than canned socks (see picture).  So while Germany decides between sacrificing sovereignty and sacrificing Europe—or as the Germans call it, nichtsosicherentwedereuropakriseoderoberherrschaftigkeit— and France stops getting distracted by next year’s elections, investors will not get their so longed confidence in the European market.

    Who would have thought that Europe would become the continent it is now? After a history of war, famine, France, prejudice and hate; Europe has come a long way. The solidarity with which all the EU countries treat each other is certainly remarkable. And the sole concept of the European Union stands as the epitome of the human race proving that we might have had our differences in the past, but we can certainly turn our heads to the same direction and work together to achieve a common goal… and then fuck each other up.